Sunday, March 10, 2013

The Weight of Water - Mag 159

The Weight of Water

Walking up the rise, the bucket sloshes-
small waves slog back and forth,
curling against the ash staves, droplets
splashing up and over to land cool on dirty feet.
The grass is green here, surely as green as there.
The sky is as blue and the sun is as bright -
acchhh, surely as blue and golden …
Still, there, half a world of water curls green as jade
and the sky holds a golden coin, shiny as Da’s
Friday pay and is as blue as chicory flowers by the way.
Waves, high as the cottage roof, roll soft until the crash
Birds scree and ride the air, dive for stones
That might be bread.
This bucket holds naught but a drop compared
This belly, full with just a bit more,
Sloshes up this hill weighing down this heart
Small drops fall to christen this green earth
with the pain of separation

A fast write … there is so much more that I want to convey in this piece … more images, and the crucial bit about a child waiting to be born in a new country, who will perhaps never see the green of the other place that his mother misses so desperately. 

This leads me to a question about your writing process. How do you work up the concepts in your poems? How does your story develop? How do you block your poems? 

Acchhh, this poetry is a hard thing sometimes!

This post is shared with the other writers who participate in the weekly writing share at Tess's Magpie Tales. Check it out ...


  1. mmm felt that seperation before you even brought it in...the oceans between...and only just a drop of it in your bucket....really nice progression in this...

  2. Sensitive, tender and moving...

  3. Great depth to this. Yes, poetry is hard if done right.

  4. Nice mood you created. You said much more than the picture. I like: curling against the ash staves.

    As for poetic form, I'm all over the place. I love playing around with sound, how it appears on the page, alliteration, rhythm. My aim is to try something new with each piece. I'm just learning.

    1. Thank you, Theresa. Yes, words and sound - creating a mood, seems to be my first and foremost tactic ... it seems I start with an image and then use a focused word choice (sometimes old words or vernacular) to begin to tell a story. I always seem to need to tell a story ...and I wonder what's up with that?

      Your trying something new with each piece is so laudable! I often feel that I'm groping in the dark ... there's a sense of feeling out there in the dark if I can just get a grasp on it!

  5. I especially like "dive for stones that might be bread"...lovely...

  6. Oh, this poetry is a hard thing sometimes, but what a lovely and tender poem you've crafted here. I think the way you've used color, and beginning and ending with the water is quite good.

  7. I thoroughly enjoyed your poem. I find it spellbinding and captivating. You certainly are very talented. Hope you keep writing and thanks for your visit.

  8. Nobody said it would be easy! The best poets laboured with their writing too. The only advice I can give is the one I follow, and that is to read, read, read poems. As many you can from different times. and of different styles.I mmerse yourself! You have some wonderful images in your poem and some rich descriptive phrases- you're on your way!

    1. Mmmmwwwwaaaah! That's a kiss and a hug of thanks ...